


Seventeen

by TriumphShouts



Category: Cracked: After Hours
Genre: Episode Style, Eventual Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of Orgies, Semi-explicit sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 21:33:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1723256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriumphShouts/pseuds/TriumphShouts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How many people count as an orgy? Soren, Katie, Dan and Michael discuss and some interesting history is revealed as a result.<br/>(Alternate title 'Three a Threesome, Four a Foursome, Five a Fivesome, More a Moresome?')</p>
            </blockquote>





	Seventeen

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lionessvalenti](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lionessvalenti/gifts).



> I got the assignment and wrote 5000 words of a sprawling 10,000 word epic about the four of them getting elemental superpowers and going on the run from the government. Then I realized that a) was very much not for everyone and b) was really hard to write in character. 
> 
> So I did this and spent a month trying to make the second half look good and not cheesy. 
> 
> I hope you like it, Lionessvalenti!

“And that is why Vanity Smurf is the most realistic smurf!”

Unfortunately, Michael had made a pretty compelling argument about that. Dan glanced around the table.  
“So, uh, what else do you want to talk about?” They settled into that awkward silence of four people with no pop-culture issue to debate.  
“My neighbour got a pug yesterday” Katie suggested, halfheartedly.  
Soren shrugged, filling his mouth with pie. They continued to eat in silence, until:

“How many people is an orgy?” That was Michael, of course.  
“I think five” Soren responded, after a moment. Katie nodded.  
“Three is a threesome. Four is a foursome. Five is an orgy”. She said with an air of finality.

They all stared at her.

“Hey, I don’t have to have done it all to know what it’s called!” She said defensively.  
Michael narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “Done it all? So what, threesome? Foursome?” A grin appeared on his face. “Ok, new topic; most people you’ve had sex with at one time”  
The rest of the table groaned.

There was silence, stretching out until it was unbearable.

“Ok, fine!” Soren broke. “Two. But it was for two days and a night, continuous” He got a far-off look on his face, a dreamy smile in place.  
Katie gave a snort. “Of course you’d want to have a sex marathon. I bet you were more concerned about your own athletic prowess than the people you were with.”  
Soren got defensive “I happen to know all involved were very satisfied.” He informed her. “What about you?”  
She hesitated. “Does being in the same room count?”  
“Depends” Michael shot back instantly. 

“There was this one time after a double date, and we all went back to their place. Big fireplace, cheesy rug, you get the idea. One thing lead to another and we both ended up sort of, going at it. They were on the rug, we were on the couch…” She realized the other three all had glazed looks on their faces, trying to imagine this tableau. Katie flicked Michael in the ear, threw a straw at Dan.

“I say it counts. So no orgy, just a foursome. Michael, you want to gross us all out with one of your sex stories now?”  
“Just to be clear, this a one-time only offer” Soren clarified.  
Michael rolled his neck, cracked his knuckles.

“The year was 1969-“  
“That can’t be true” Dan put in seamlessly.  
“The location, the Nevada desert. It was me, Strawberry Charles, Kiki, Lone Dog and Charalita. We had all just partaken of some particularly effective chemical refreshment. We went at it as the sun went done, all covered in maple syrup” Michael made what was obviously an attempt at a dirty gesture, though it was too confusing to be effective, fingers interlocking and wiggling in every direction.  
“I’m sure more of that is true than should be” Soren admitted.  
“And so, I win orgies, take that!” Michael slammed the table too hard, spilling Dan’s drink.  
“Hey, Michael!” As Dan moped up the mess from the table and his lap, he realized things had gone quite.

He looked up to see everyone else staring at him.  
“I don’t-“  
“Everyone else has gone, Daniel” Katie told him.  
“It’s ok, I’ve crushed with my story, you don’t have to feel bad” Michael patted him on the arm condescendingly. “What, you once did it with your mother standing outside the door? What’s the best you can do?”  
Dan stuttered. “Uh, I’m not-I don’t” Unfortunately for him, Soren could see the tips of his ears turning pink, a blush that always meant Dan was hiding something. Not that Soren spent a lot of time staring at Dan’s ears.  
“C’mon Dan, you don’t have to go into detail” He told him.

Dan mumbled something.

“What?”  
“Seventeen”. He said, refusing to meet their eyes.  
There was a stunned silence. Then they all spoke at once.  
“Bullshit”  
“How many?”  
“Ok, you do have to go into detail”.  
Dan shrugged, looking like he wished he could disappear. “It was college. I’d just started taking these anti-anxiety pills. All of a sudden my roommate invited me to this party, and instead of the normal feelings of dread and constipation, I felt… excited! Like I might enjoy hanging out with a bunch of strangers!” Dan shook his head as if this prospect was as likely as the moon falling out of the sky.

“I wanted to go out and have a good time for once, like everyone else does at college. I didn’t know it was a sex party.” Dan sped up, trying to get to the end “Then it’s me and like seventeen other people, and it’s all sweaty and disgusting but I didn’t care and-“ Dan shuddered to a halt.  
“You ever have one of those experiences that’s simultaneously the best thing ever and something you never ever want to do again?” He glanced at Soren, who had an odd, flushed look to his face.

“Wow” Katie breathed.

“I don’t think Michael wins orgies” Soren said slowly, staring at Dan. Dan squirmed in his seat.

“Dan, you’re… one of a kind” Michael said, earning one of those quick, small smiles Dan got when he was pleased with something. 

“Can we talk about whether the last season of Lost was a metaphor for the Hollywood Blacklists and the Paramount Decree now?” he asked hopefully.

 

***************************************************************

 

As they were packing their shit up to leave, an image kept flashing through Soren’s head. It was Dan, naked and sweaty, writhing in a mass of other bodies. It was like the .gif that wouldn’t leave, replaying tiny clips of filth over and over again.  
Even stranger, it didn’t disgust him. It didn’t even unsettle him, thinking of his friend like that.

Soren watched it play out again, someone’s mouth on Dan’s neck, leaving bright red lipstick marks.  
Again, someone is kissing Dan, their tongue deep in his mouth.

Dan’s hand on someone’s cock.

“Soren?” Dan was standing in front of him, saying his name. “Did you want that ride?”  
“Oh, ah, yeah, thanks.”  
The ride to Soren’s place was too quiet, but Soren was a little preoccupied. Luckily he prided himself on being a quick thinker and decision maker, so by the time they arrived he had formed a plan.

 

Seventeen minutes, a quick speech and a smile later, they were in Soren’s huge bed.

“I’m not sure this is a good idea” Dan said nervously. Soren took his shirt off.  
“Ok, this might be a good idea” Dan allowed, his eyes glued to Soren’s abs. Dan’s hand came out to touch them almost unconsciously, fingertips brushing the skin.  
There was a reason Soren usually followed his instincts. He was particularly glad he had once Dan was naked and spread out beneath him.

Making Dan come with Soren’s hand on his cock and Soren’s teeth on his neck was good.

Capturing every whimper as he did that, their mouths pressed together as Dan panted and writhed was better.

Coming himself with Dan’s tongue and fingers on him, and a little hesitant but eager to please, eager to touch. That was the best. 

Soren kissed him again as they laid back down, letting himself taste as much as he wanted. Dan kissed more forcefully that Soren was used to, their tongues sliding over each other. It wasn’t unpleasant, a different kind of back-and-forth. Finally they parted, in need of air.

“Do you want me to leave?” Dan asked carefully, slowing his breathing. Soren had to do a double take.  
“What? Why would you say that?”  
Dan shrugged. “You’ve always seemed like the kind of guy that doesn’t like people to hang around. You know, after”. He looked around the room. Surely his pants were here somewhere.  
Soren flung his arm on top of Dan. “I’m not a douchebag. Stay the night, geez.”  
They laid there for a second, then.  
“Actually, I need a shower.” Dan gestured to the… mess they’d made. He had a point. 

 

*************************************************************

When Soren woke at 6 for his morning run, Dan was curled up next to him in bed, almost pressed into his side. He looked less like a grown man with a proper job and an unhealthy obsession with Spiderman, and more like a giant teddy bear.  
Soren lifted his arm awkwardly. He was great at all the fun parts, but this is where he wasn’t on solid ground. He put his arm around Dan’s shoulders and Dan almost immediately shifted in his sleep, pushing closer to Soren.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic of] Seventeen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3678486) by [Dr_Fumbles_McStupid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid/pseuds/Dr_Fumbles_McStupid)




End file.
